THERE IS FREEDOM IN WANTING

“What do you want?”

Such a simple question.

And somehow one of the hardest.

Ask me what needs to get done and I can tell you. Ask me what's responsible, practical or strategic and I'll probably have an answer. Ask me what everyone else needs and I can usually figure that out too.

But want?

Want lives somewhere else.

Want doesn't always arrive with logic.

Sometimes it's a plane ticket. Sometimes it's a person. Sometimes it's three uninterrupted hours. Sometimes it's being touched. Sometimes it's being left completely alone. Sometimes it's a beautiful dress with nowhere appropriate to wear it. Sometimes it's simply more. Sometimes it's less.

Women are often encouraged to be grateful for what we have.

I believe deeply in gratitude.

But gratitude and desire are not enemies.

I can love my life and still want something.

I can appreciate what is here without pretending curiosity about what might be waiting beyond it has disappeared.

That's the part I'm learning.

Wanting something doesn't mean I'm entitled to it. It doesn't mean I have to pursue it. And it certainly doesn't mean every desire is meant to become a decision.

But I no longer want to lie to myself about what I want just because wanting it feels inconvenient.

There is liberation in telling yourself the truth.

Even privately. Especially privately.

Sometimes desire is information.

It reveals where we feel alive. Where something has gone quiet. What we miss. What we have outgrown. What we're ready to experience.

I'm trying to become a woman who can sit with desire without immediately judging it, chasing it or suppressing it.

Just noticing.

There you are.

What are you trying to tell me?